Dear Sewsan,

What’s a ‘weird crush’?  I get the crush thing, several years as a teenage Duranie taught me that, but what makes a crush weird?  I mean, surely all crushes are a little bit weird?

I’m not asking for me.  It’s for a friend.  She’s got this pattern and ever since she made her first pair of pants she doesn’t seem to be able to make anything else.  Fabrics that were bought for other patterns have mysteriously become additional pairs of pants.  It’s like she’s addicted!  She keeps asking if she can ‘re-purpose’ my Grandmother’s tablecloth or the throw that I bought in Morocco mid-gap year.  I knew that I had to write to you when there was an incident during our usual Monday Meet-Up.  You know the kind of thing, a few ladies, some lemon tea and Loose Women on the telly.  Well, my friend disappeared upstairs on the flimsy pretence that she needed the bathroom.  Twenty minutes later Loose Women had finished and I had become concerned.  We’re all of a certain age, what if she’d had a funny turn on the toilet?  No such luck:  I found her in my linen cupboard rifling through my antique coverlets.  

I’m as broad-minded as the next person, I could fully understand the fascination if she were making floor length evening gowns or dramatic velvet-collared coats or, or, well more or less anything else.  Pants are so mundane!  I’m worried that in a year’s time she’ll wonder what on earth the attraction was and she’ll regret spending so much time with this single pattern when she should have been shopping around.

A concerned friend.

Dear Concerned Friend,

Whilst your anxiety for your chum is admirable I cannot see that she is doing either herself or anyone else any harm.  Yes, she could widen her repertoire, but from what you have told me the crush is neither overtly strange nor radically out of control.  I’ve come across needleworkers who compulsively quilt and are not content until every bit of fabric they encounter is both pieced and padded.  Needless to say they often encounter intimacy issues.  After all, a padded brassier is quite traditional but quilted boxer shorts? 

I would also take issue with the word weird.  It is an unkind word.  How much more tolerant would we be if we thought of your friend as having tastes that are unusual or unconventional.  They are possessed of a rare gift, they can see  the beauty in this every day workhorse of a pattern.  We can’t all aspire to the red carpet my dear, some of us have laminate flooring.

My final word to the wise would be to lock that linen cupboard when hosting future luncheons – lest your best duvet cover ends up gracing your friend’s derrière.  

Remembering to always sharpen our shears, 

Auntie Sewsan